No scheduled appointments for the day so we went shopping! We participated in the group tour to the Pearl Market, where we can buy wholesale pearls at deep discount. The market was more of a 7 story mall like building. It was early in day, which we were told was good for us, as in China the first deal of the day is usually the best price. The superstition goes if you start your business sales off early, you’ll have a good day, slow start equals a slow day. We took the escalator to the top floor and were led to a dealer that our guides trust to do business with. It was there they showed us how to tell if a pearl was real – by cutting it or burning it. Then they showed us how pearls were priced. Another parent that was with us had recently shopped pearls and told us that the $300 US dollar stain – their best pearls – was equivalent to about $3-4 K worth of pearls in the US. It was a fun piece of knowledge, but the shopping here was pretty much limited to this one store. We could have shopped other stores, but most of us decided to stick with who the guides trusted. We all made our purchases and on we went. We did a little other nic nac shopping and then loaded the bus to Shamian Island. This is where the White Swan Hotel is located, which is where adoptive families historically have stayed, however it is currently under renovation. This is where we did most of our souvenir shopping and walked around a bit. It is very pretty and much older style, well maintained buildings. Many Chinese come here to do their wedding photos. It was super humid and hot as we walked around. Both boys were exceptionally good, but getting restless, as most two year olds might spending the morning shopping. Plus the stores lacked air condition for the most part. Kai eventually fell asleep in the carrier, which was kinda of a bummer because there are children statues on the island that is somewhat of an adoptive family ritual to get pictures of your little ones among the school children statue. It was raining (as usual) when we first got there so we had headed for the shops rather than the photo opp.
After our shopping, and since we decided not to get lunch so we had more time to browse, we headed to the hotel to put the boys down for a nap and eat. By the time we were back at the room, or condo as Kainan still calls it, it was well past 2 pm, so we missed the naptime window for Kainan. We took the boys to the pool for a bit and then Jason and I went out for a mini date night, courtesy of Mike and Kathy. Mike and Kathy took the boys to dinner in the hotel and then did bedtime. Apparently the boys were extremely good for them (so thankful for that). We walked for a bit, explored the hotel next door to us, walked another small marketplace, and then walked a small alleyway that was more “local” than we had expected. There we shopped a small kids clothing store and bought a few pairs of swim shorts that are more like speedo swim shorts that is common here in China – Kainan loved his (we couldn’t get him to take them off for a day – I think he thinks they are boxer briefs, not to mention they are Spider-Mann. As we walked we saw an Internet bar, and small local shops, that I couldn’t help but wonder if some of my Internet shopping came from some of these hole in the wall storefronts. It was a really fun experience, and something Jason and I enjoy doing – walking around and just taking in the culture. We then went to a hotel steak restaurant (we’re a less adventurous when there have been so many warnings about getting sick and food – we are way too close to the end of this journey to end it with 24+ hours of travel and food poisoning…no thank you. The food was less than great, but the evening was so enjoyable and appreciated. We then stopped at the hotel bar called Bar, and had a drink so we could take advantage of the World Cup special – buy 2 beers and get a soccer Jersey. We had three choices of jerseys – Brazil, England, or Germany…we went with Brazil. Then we went to our room with a full report of shining stars from grandpa and grandma.
Thursday, June 26, 2014
Monday - June 23, 2014 – Medical Exam
We ended Sunday evening with dinner at a family style traditional Chinese restaurant with two other families – the Trevor, Denise and Hyde; and Adam, Wendy and Nathaniel. Always an adventure going to a local restaurant that have no expectation of American patrons. We did a lot of pointing at the menu, and luckily I had our cheat sheet menu our guides from the previous city provided us. Food was okay, but company was nice!
Monday was a big and scary day for Kai. We had the medical exam in the morning. This exam was what indicated if our children were healthy enough to leave China and enter the US. Children over 2 years of age, even by a month or two, are required to get their blood drawn for a TB test. This was the dreaded test because the nurses take the children into the exam room and the parents must stay outside. We’d heard it could be traumatic on both the parents and kiddos.
We decided to leave Kainan at the hotel with grandma and grandpa for some swimming and fun, while we did the dreaded exam. All the families loaded the bus by 9 am. We arrived at the government building for the children’s visa photo and then headed upstairs for the exam. First, we were seen by nurses that took Kai’s temperature, height and weight. Next to a doctor for a “general exam”, listened to his breathing, checked his stomach and genitals. Then to the ENT who looked into his ears. In the right ear she found dried blood, which we were aware of, but thought we had washed it all away. When checking his left ear she told us there was infection. I was afraid of this. On our way there I noticed his ear started to ooze and smelled of infection. She said there was a lot of wax build up; which I hear from other moms that this is common for Asian children. She cleaned it out for some time. (It worries me, as it seem to be worse after we left that doctor’s chair.) She made some notes, and then suggested we put him on an antibiotic. We told here that we were told he had tubes and asked if she saw them; she said she didn’t but said it could be because the thick wax in the one ear and dried blood in the other. After we left the ENT, we went to the TB test line. We waited and sat next to moms that sat in tears while they waited for the door to open and their child to be placed back into their arms for them to console. I was hopeful…as at each of the three previous stations, Kai was a champ…no tears (except when they took the squeaky Qupie doll from him when they were done). I felt my body tighten as the door opened and it was my time to hand off Kai. I did it pretty automatically, but as soon as that door closed, my body felt weak. I sat and listen to his screams through the door and couldn’t hold back the tears myself. Jason held me and reassured me that this was the last exam he’d have to go through without us to hold or console him. It took less than five minutes (felt like longer), and the door opened and Kai was handed to us with tears running down his face, sobbing, he reached for me. I held him and he quickly settled down. We were done! Now we just had to wait for the results for the TB test to confirm we were approved to travel. Results were expected on Wednesday.
We were back to the hotel by noonish. We grabbed a lite bite to eat for lunch at a restaurant called the Coffee Club, which offered semi-western food. It was decent for all of us except Jason. His burger patty must have been frozen when it was thrown on the grill, as it was still red and uncooked in the middle. The boys then napped and Jason and I strolled the hotel shops. That evening we met in the lobby at 5:40 pm to attend the group optional event, the Pearl River Cruise. Because historically families have complained about the food, the dinner option for our cruise was Papa Johns and bring your own beverages. As we pulled out from the hotel the rain started to come down. Assuming this was typical weather here and it would blow over in 15 minutes, like usual, we weren’t concerned. As we got closer to the dock to board the boat it continued to pour and pour and pour. I wore a long dress. As we all ran for the lobby of the dinner cruise, even with umbrellas, we were all soaked! Then it proceeded to storm, thunder, lightning! When we asked if it was safe to board the boat due to the lightning, we were told “don’t worry the boat is big” – we weren’t concerned about the waves, we were concerned about the lightning.
As we waited in the lobby we could all feel the stares of the local Chinese. We were told that as a whole, Chinese think Americans adopting children that are special needs is wonderful. They don’t understand it, but they do think kindly of us. However, it is clear that there are a lot of questions about our decisions to come all this way to adopt these children, and misconceptions about the large amount of orphans in China. For example, when we were on our last in country flight one of the adoptive parents in our group, who is a pilot, stopped in the back to thank the flight crew for their service. In conversation, on of the flight attendants said that he flys all the time and sees these Americans with Chinese babies, he didn’t understand, where are these babies coming from? He said he and the others on the crew had always wondered, but it’s not the Chinese way to ask such direct questions. The father in our group explained that we were all adopting Chinese orphans. The attendant then said that he didn’t understand, his government says there are no orphans in China. I then mentioned this conversation to my husband, who reminded me that politically, there are no Chinese orphans, as the orphanage director is assigned as the children’s “father” on all paperwork. In the hotels we stay at, the coordination staff must understand a bit better, as the hotels see Americans go through there hotel in large mass groups on a weekly basis. Sight alone of our Chinese/ American families over the years I’m sure has prompted much discussion and acknowledgement, however in each room that a hotel left our family a gift, it was pink, clearly with the expectation that adoption is of China’s girls. This misconceptions is not exclusive to China…I believe that most of the world still believes that China girls are the unwanted of China. Little is it discussed or known that the “wait list” children or “special needs” children are overflowing the orphanages. And in China, special needs could a birthmark in the wrong place, club foot, cleft lip and/or pallet. It could also be downs syndrome, major heart defect, spina bifidia; and if the child happens to be a boy, since “we” all assume we must adopt China’s unwanted little girls, we overlook the wait list boys that are growing up in the orphanage.
Once onboard we sat on the 1st level next to the window and ate our pizza and took in the view through the heavy rain (by this point we were already to go home). Finally it cleared and we walked to the observations deck for a few photos. It started to rain again and we headed below, making the juggling show on the 2nd floor. Since we’re here during the World Cup, and China has been making a deal about the event to watch the games. The juggler incorporated soccer balls into her act, of which she picked members of the audience to spin a soccer ball on their finger…Kainan got picked. He thought it was cool until everyone was watching, then he stated to get a bit scared. Finally the cruise was over, and it started to rain again. We ended the night a bit wet, and ushered back on the bus.
Monday was a big and scary day for Kai. We had the medical exam in the morning. This exam was what indicated if our children were healthy enough to leave China and enter the US. Children over 2 years of age, even by a month or two, are required to get their blood drawn for a TB test. This was the dreaded test because the nurses take the children into the exam room and the parents must stay outside. We’d heard it could be traumatic on both the parents and kiddos.
We decided to leave Kainan at the hotel with grandma and grandpa for some swimming and fun, while we did the dreaded exam. All the families loaded the bus by 9 am. We arrived at the government building for the children’s visa photo and then headed upstairs for the exam. First, we were seen by nurses that took Kai’s temperature, height and weight. Next to a doctor for a “general exam”, listened to his breathing, checked his stomach and genitals. Then to the ENT who looked into his ears. In the right ear she found dried blood, which we were aware of, but thought we had washed it all away. When checking his left ear she told us there was infection. I was afraid of this. On our way there I noticed his ear started to ooze and smelled of infection. She said there was a lot of wax build up; which I hear from other moms that this is common for Asian children. She cleaned it out for some time. (It worries me, as it seem to be worse after we left that doctor’s chair.) She made some notes, and then suggested we put him on an antibiotic. We told here that we were told he had tubes and asked if she saw them; she said she didn’t but said it could be because the thick wax in the one ear and dried blood in the other. After we left the ENT, we went to the TB test line. We waited and sat next to moms that sat in tears while they waited for the door to open and their child to be placed back into their arms for them to console. I was hopeful…as at each of the three previous stations, Kai was a champ…no tears (except when they took the squeaky Qupie doll from him when they were done). I felt my body tighten as the door opened and it was my time to hand off Kai. I did it pretty automatically, but as soon as that door closed, my body felt weak. I sat and listen to his screams through the door and couldn’t hold back the tears myself. Jason held me and reassured me that this was the last exam he’d have to go through without us to hold or console him. It took less than five minutes (felt like longer), and the door opened and Kai was handed to us with tears running down his face, sobbing, he reached for me. I held him and he quickly settled down. We were done! Now we just had to wait for the results for the TB test to confirm we were approved to travel. Results were expected on Wednesday.
We were back to the hotel by noonish. We grabbed a lite bite to eat for lunch at a restaurant called the Coffee Club, which offered semi-western food. It was decent for all of us except Jason. His burger patty must have been frozen when it was thrown on the grill, as it was still red and uncooked in the middle. The boys then napped and Jason and I strolled the hotel shops. That evening we met in the lobby at 5:40 pm to attend the group optional event, the Pearl River Cruise. Because historically families have complained about the food, the dinner option for our cruise was Papa Johns and bring your own beverages. As we pulled out from the hotel the rain started to come down. Assuming this was typical weather here and it would blow over in 15 minutes, like usual, we weren’t concerned. As we got closer to the dock to board the boat it continued to pour and pour and pour. I wore a long dress. As we all ran for the lobby of the dinner cruise, even with umbrellas, we were all soaked! Then it proceeded to storm, thunder, lightning! When we asked if it was safe to board the boat due to the lightning, we were told “don’t worry the boat is big” – we weren’t concerned about the waves, we were concerned about the lightning.
As we waited in the lobby we could all feel the stares of the local Chinese. We were told that as a whole, Chinese think Americans adopting children that are special needs is wonderful. They don’t understand it, but they do think kindly of us. However, it is clear that there are a lot of questions about our decisions to come all this way to adopt these children, and misconceptions about the large amount of orphans in China. For example, when we were on our last in country flight one of the adoptive parents in our group, who is a pilot, stopped in the back to thank the flight crew for their service. In conversation, on of the flight attendants said that he flys all the time and sees these Americans with Chinese babies, he didn’t understand, where are these babies coming from? He said he and the others on the crew had always wondered, but it’s not the Chinese way to ask such direct questions. The father in our group explained that we were all adopting Chinese orphans. The attendant then said that he didn’t understand, his government says there are no orphans in China. I then mentioned this conversation to my husband, who reminded me that politically, there are no Chinese orphans, as the orphanage director is assigned as the children’s “father” on all paperwork. In the hotels we stay at, the coordination staff must understand a bit better, as the hotels see Americans go through there hotel in large mass groups on a weekly basis. Sight alone of our Chinese/ American families over the years I’m sure has prompted much discussion and acknowledgement, however in each room that a hotel left our family a gift, it was pink, clearly with the expectation that adoption is of China’s girls. This misconceptions is not exclusive to China…I believe that most of the world still believes that China girls are the unwanted of China. Little is it discussed or known that the “wait list” children or “special needs” children are overflowing the orphanages. And in China, special needs could a birthmark in the wrong place, club foot, cleft lip and/or pallet. It could also be downs syndrome, major heart defect, spina bifidia; and if the child happens to be a boy, since “we” all assume we must adopt China’s unwanted little girls, we overlook the wait list boys that are growing up in the orphanage.
Once onboard we sat on the 1st level next to the window and ate our pizza and took in the view through the heavy rain (by this point we were already to go home). Finally it cleared and we walked to the observations deck for a few photos. It started to rain again and we headed below, making the juggling show on the 2nd floor. Since we’re here during the World Cup, and China has been making a deal about the event to watch the games. The juggler incorporated soccer balls into her act, of which she picked members of the audience to spin a soccer ball on their finger…Kainan got picked. He thought it was cool until everyone was watching, then he stated to get a bit scared. Finally the cruise was over, and it started to rain again. We ended the night a bit wet, and ushered back on the bus.
Sunday, June 22, 2014
June 22, 2014 – City Tour of Guangzhou
Today we were able to send clothes out for cleaning, YEAH!!! And then we loaded the bus for some sightseeing with our group for an optional tour that CCAI reps set up for the families. On the agenda: Buddhist Temple/ Old Chen House/ Provincial Arts crafts shopping center. We haven’t had the opportunity to do much shopping, so this was a fun treat. It is so hot here, and the humidity is beyond. Literally everything feels wet. They suggested the climate is similar to Florida. I think it is much worse. Also it typically rains right around noontime here for about and hour or so, cools things off, and then clears up again.
We left the hotel by 9:40 am and headed for the Buddhist Temple. It was beautiful and neat to see. Jason and I aren’t big “museum/ history”, but glad we came. But it was hot. We tried some hot licorice that was available for sampling, and it was good, even in the hot weather. And we met some of the families that joined us in this city. We were there for 40 minutes (that was the key timeframe we were scheduled for each place). Then we headed to Old Chen House and saw the beautiful woodcarvings, limestone carvings, hand paintings, hand carved furniture…we didn’t make it through the entire exhibit before our forty minutes was up, so we headed to the bus. We did buy a few hand paintings here…and were more than ready to board the bus that had the air-condition on high, as both places were outside and with no A/C rooms. Finally we stopped at a small department store, where we were told that if we wanted and jade, to buy it here – I bought a ring. Jade is very lucky in China.
We bought a few other souvenirs. The boys each picked out something. Kainan picked a small thimble with a picture of an owl on it. Kai picked a stuffed panda bear. It’s not the most well made item, but the look on his face when he saw it was worth the over priced item for sure!
The custom in this shop is as you pick out what you want they follow you around with and give you a receipt, then take the item to the register for when you check out. Kai was not especially found of them taking his panda bear. Finally we checked out and headed to the bus for the hotel. Kai had hit his sleepy fussy (but as long as he’s in the carrier, I seem to have a bit more control over it). I rocked him. And the bus’s movement, along with his panda to snuggle with, put him to sleep. It’s now 3 pm as I write this, and he’s been asleep since 1 pm. Jason is just returning from the pool with K, and now to do another hour of paperwork to prepare for Kai's visa and our consulate appt.
We left the hotel by 9:40 am and headed for the Buddhist Temple. It was beautiful and neat to see. Jason and I aren’t big “museum/ history”, but glad we came. But it was hot. We tried some hot licorice that was available for sampling, and it was good, even in the hot weather. And we met some of the families that joined us in this city. We were there for 40 minutes (that was the key timeframe we were scheduled for each place). Then we headed to Old Chen House and saw the beautiful woodcarvings, limestone carvings, hand paintings, hand carved furniture…we didn’t make it through the entire exhibit before our forty minutes was up, so we headed to the bus. We did buy a few hand paintings here…and were more than ready to board the bus that had the air-condition on high, as both places were outside and with no A/C rooms. Finally we stopped at a small department store, where we were told that if we wanted and jade, to buy it here – I bought a ring. Jade is very lucky in China.
The Chinese love jade because of not only its beauty, but also more importantly its culture, meaning and humanity, as Confucius (551 BC - 479 BC) said there are 11 De (virtue) in jade. The following is the translation (don't know the translator):
'The wise have likened jade to virtue. For them, its polish and brilliancy represent the whole of purity; its perfect compactness and extreme hardness represent the sureness of intelligence; its angles, which do not cut, although they seem sharp, represent justice; the pure and prolonged sound, which it gives forth when one strikes it, represents music. Its color represents loyalty; its interior flaws, always showing themselves through the transparency, call to mind sincerity; its iridescent brightness represents heaven; its admirable substance, born of mountain and of water, represents the earth. Used alone without ornamentation it represents chastity. The price that the entire world attaches to it represents the truth. To support these comparisons, the Book of Verse says: "When I think of a wise man, his merits appear to be like jade."'
Thus jade is really special in Chinese culture, also as the Chinese saying goes "Gold has a value; jade is invaluable."
We bought a few other souvenirs. The boys each picked out something. Kainan picked a small thimble with a picture of an owl on it. Kai picked a stuffed panda bear. It’s not the most well made item, but the look on his face when he saw it was worth the over priced item for sure!
The custom in this shop is as you pick out what you want they follow you around with and give you a receipt, then take the item to the register for when you check out. Kai was not especially found of them taking his panda bear. Finally we checked out and headed to the bus for the hotel. Kai had hit his sleepy fussy (but as long as he’s in the carrier, I seem to have a bit more control over it). I rocked him. And the bus’s movement, along with his panda to snuggle with, put him to sleep. It’s now 3 pm as I write this, and he’s been asleep since 1 pm. Jason is just returning from the pool with K, and now to do another hour of paperwork to prepare for Kai's visa and our consulate appt.
June 21, 2014 – Travel to Guangzhou!
Our morning began with a bang! As usual, I was last to get ready as I packed everyone’s bags for the day, laid out clothes, and blogged (or made notes) so I had the memories documented and could share with all of you following our journey. Grandma and Papa get up early every morning and go eat breakfast and then run up stairs to see what help we need…which has become a much needed assistance. They take the boys, with Jason, down for breakfast, while I shower and get cleaned up. I had packed us mostly the night before, while Jason and grandma took the boys to the pool; but we still had a few things to do; plus we all slept in a little later than normal, knowing we didn’t have to be on the bus until 10 am. I finished up a blog and loading pictures while I turned on the shower. Since I was the only one left in our room, and was in charge of putting all our bags in the hallway for the bellboy at 9:30 am; I left the bathroom door open as I started the shower…it wasn’t 3 minutes before the fire alarm started going off….apparently too much steam escaped the bathroom and …there you have it. I ran into the hallway to assure other families that it was just the shower, and waved down housekeeping to show them what happened. I asked if they could turn it off. Three members of the hotel staff stopped by and told me it’d be a few minutes…then another person would come. Finally I said, can you just all leave then so I can get dressed. I explained that I had to be downstairs in 20 minutes. They decided to move me to another room to bath and get ready. I just threw on some clothes, brushed my hair and teeth, and tried to pull myself together before heading downstairs to find my family. I laugh now, but in the moment it was just about at my breaking point.
We then loaded the bus for another hours or so ride to the airport. Then all 11 families ushered into the airport with all our luggage, families we brought with us (many families came with their older children that are more high school/ college age and a few middle school siblings); so our travel group is much larger than just 11 sets of parents and our new addition. In our case, there is now 6 of us. So our group fills an entire tour bus. And just imagine the volume of the bus when several of our new babies start to cry…trust me…it’s enough to unravel you…if the child is yours; but at the same note, I’m almost able to tune a lot of it out.
Kai does pretty well in travel, but he has an opinion and when he doesn’t get his way, expect a total melt down…literally. His whole body goes limp as he melts to the floor. He really doesn’t want to be comforted in these moments…he actually is trying to get the lowest spot possible and if he can get away from us, he wants to hide in a small corner. We believe it’s his coping mechanism.
Anyways…we all made got our boarding passes, made it through security, and boarded a passenger standing bus that took us to the middle of the run way to board our plane. We were in the second to last row, but all in the same row across – all 6 having our own seat. Both boys did well on the flight. We sat in the HOT plane for 40 minutes or so before take off. Jason and I were extremely agitated and thankful by the time we took off. We are thankful that both boys have tubes – as it was noticeable which children did not. We had a few meltdowns on the 1 hr and 40 minute flight, mostly from Kai, and mostly because we missed naptime. Kai needs his sleep. I’m learning quickly when he’s hungry vs. when he’s sleepy. Both bring a temperament that we’d prefer to keep tamed. And trust me, this momma knows all about being crabby when overly tired or hungry, he’s definitely my son in that regard.
Kainan has been especially clingy to Jason for about 6 months now; but now more than ever. Luckily, Kai especially prefers me – but most of the time he’ll go to either of us or Grandma pretty easily.
The flight was okay... but Kai did not sleep and was extremely busy the entire flight. I cannot imagine 13 hours of this with him, so prayers are requested. We did have a very special moment on the flight, as I held Kai close to me, he whispered mama. I cried! He then did it a few more times during flight. It never got old hearing those beautiful words.
As soon as we landed and started to taxi to the gate (a little longer than we are use to), Kai finally fell asleep. We arrived at a gate into the airport in Guangzhou and then all went to get our bags and wait for our CCAI representatives – Jason and Kathy – names we won’t have a hard time remembering.
As usual, the CCAI reps are on the ball and led us pretty seamlessly to the bus and then went into the information overload agenda for the next week on the drive back to the hotel. The skys were clear for our fight, but by the time we were getting our bags, it started raining, then pouring all the way to the hotel, and then about 20 minutes after we were in the hotel…it stopped and cleared up.
We are staying at China Hotel by Marriott. It is top notch! Truly beautiful. We feel like we are at a resort. The AC works great, the hotel is so clean, everything seems to work the way it should. Oh and they are hosting lots of World Cup viewing events here, so I’m pretty excited about that. So are all my boys – proud mama! I unpacked us and we ordered Papa John’s Pizza and Jason and Mike went and got beer. Not a meal we would eat in the states, but boy did it taste good! I even was able to order Hawaiian pizza. While we were settling in, and the boys were doing the Tasmanian devil on our hotel room – Kathy swears we may be purchasing our very own hotel room here in China after our boys are gone. The hotel had put a pack in play in our room. Within minutes both boys were in and out and back in and back out…then jumping in and out, then using it to climb onto the desk. I say all this like we were letting it happen – we weren’t, we would stop it as soon as it happened, but it did happen. We are in adjoining rooms this time, which is nice (we had this in Beijing too); but it also leaves opportunity to lose sight of the boys…yikes! After we all settle a bit, I asked Kai for kisses…my first kiss. Then Kainan came over to me and hugged and kissed me and said he loved me (unsolicited); which followed with extra hugs and kisses from Kai…happy mama. Jason got so more affection from Kainan (which is the usual really), but Kai isn’t quite ready yet. He will do high fives, low fives, or fist pumps…with an occasionally “blow it up”; or as our dear friend Lia taught Kainan, “potatoes and french-fries”.
We ended the night with some FaceTime with my parents and Brad and Leslie…and Kainan’s girlfriend Jamie (Leslie’s cousin) (who K seemed most interested in being on the call), and our puppy dogs.
Two overly tired boys meant for a difficult bedtime, but once out, they both sleep very well. We actually had to wake them the next morning to make it to breakfast and to the bus by 9:30 am.
We then loaded the bus for another hours or so ride to the airport. Then all 11 families ushered into the airport with all our luggage, families we brought with us (many families came with their older children that are more high school/ college age and a few middle school siblings); so our travel group is much larger than just 11 sets of parents and our new addition. In our case, there is now 6 of us. So our group fills an entire tour bus. And just imagine the volume of the bus when several of our new babies start to cry…trust me…it’s enough to unravel you…if the child is yours; but at the same note, I’m almost able to tune a lot of it out.
Kai does pretty well in travel, but he has an opinion and when he doesn’t get his way, expect a total melt down…literally. His whole body goes limp as he melts to the floor. He really doesn’t want to be comforted in these moments…he actually is trying to get the lowest spot possible and if he can get away from us, he wants to hide in a small corner. We believe it’s his coping mechanism.
Anyways…we all made got our boarding passes, made it through security, and boarded a passenger standing bus that took us to the middle of the run way to board our plane. We were in the second to last row, but all in the same row across – all 6 having our own seat. Both boys did well on the flight. We sat in the HOT plane for 40 minutes or so before take off. Jason and I were extremely agitated and thankful by the time we took off. We are thankful that both boys have tubes – as it was noticeable which children did not. We had a few meltdowns on the 1 hr and 40 minute flight, mostly from Kai, and mostly because we missed naptime. Kai needs his sleep. I’m learning quickly when he’s hungry vs. when he’s sleepy. Both bring a temperament that we’d prefer to keep tamed. And trust me, this momma knows all about being crabby when overly tired or hungry, he’s definitely my son in that regard.
Kainan has been especially clingy to Jason for about 6 months now; but now more than ever. Luckily, Kai especially prefers me – but most of the time he’ll go to either of us or Grandma pretty easily.
The flight was okay... but Kai did not sleep and was extremely busy the entire flight. I cannot imagine 13 hours of this with him, so prayers are requested. We did have a very special moment on the flight, as I held Kai close to me, he whispered mama. I cried! He then did it a few more times during flight. It never got old hearing those beautiful words.
As soon as we landed and started to taxi to the gate (a little longer than we are use to), Kai finally fell asleep. We arrived at a gate into the airport in Guangzhou and then all went to get our bags and wait for our CCAI representatives – Jason and Kathy – names we won’t have a hard time remembering.
As usual, the CCAI reps are on the ball and led us pretty seamlessly to the bus and then went into the information overload agenda for the next week on the drive back to the hotel. The skys were clear for our fight, but by the time we were getting our bags, it started raining, then pouring all the way to the hotel, and then about 20 minutes after we were in the hotel…it stopped and cleared up.
We are staying at China Hotel by Marriott. It is top notch! Truly beautiful. We feel like we are at a resort. The AC works great, the hotel is so clean, everything seems to work the way it should. Oh and they are hosting lots of World Cup viewing events here, so I’m pretty excited about that. So are all my boys – proud mama! I unpacked us and we ordered Papa John’s Pizza and Jason and Mike went and got beer. Not a meal we would eat in the states, but boy did it taste good! I even was able to order Hawaiian pizza. While we were settling in, and the boys were doing the Tasmanian devil on our hotel room – Kathy swears we may be purchasing our very own hotel room here in China after our boys are gone. The hotel had put a pack in play in our room. Within minutes both boys were in and out and back in and back out…then jumping in and out, then using it to climb onto the desk. I say all this like we were letting it happen – we weren’t, we would stop it as soon as it happened, but it did happen. We are in adjoining rooms this time, which is nice (we had this in Beijing too); but it also leaves opportunity to lose sight of the boys…yikes! After we all settle a bit, I asked Kai for kisses…my first kiss. Then Kainan came over to me and hugged and kissed me and said he loved me (unsolicited); which followed with extra hugs and kisses from Kai…happy mama. Jason got so more affection from Kainan (which is the usual really), but Kai isn’t quite ready yet. He will do high fives, low fives, or fist pumps…with an occasionally “blow it up”; or as our dear friend Lia taught Kainan, “potatoes and french-fries”.
We ended the night with some FaceTime with my parents and Brad and Leslie…and Kainan’s girlfriend Jamie (Leslie’s cousin) (who K seemed most interested in being on the call), and our puppy dogs.
Two overly tired boys meant for a difficult bedtime, but once out, they both sleep very well. We actually had to wake them the next morning to make it to breakfast and to the bus by 9:30 am.
Friday, June 20, 2014
June 20, 2014 - Maria’s Big House of Hope
Today was a scheduled down day, so we took full advantage and asked to visit MBHOH. This is the last piece of Kai’s puzzle, as we knew he spent a short time here too, not to mention all that we’ve read about MBHOH and the Chapman’s. We were the only family that wanted to go, so all 6 of us made the 2.5 hour trip (one way). On our way there our drive got lost…several times, and then on one of his stops to get out of the van and ask people on the street where to go…the van died. He tried several times to get it started with on avail… and the frustration and nervousness on our faces grew… then he turned off the AC in the van…. Waited a few minutes, and it started. Turns out that we were just down the street from Maria’s by this point. We pulled up the drive to the 7 story building painted blue with white clouds all over it. It really is a beautiful, whimsical sight.
MBHOH
We were greeted at the door by Vicki and her son Bradley. Vicki and her family had moved from Houston, TX and signed a 2 year agreement with Show Hope to come out and run the day to day operations, specifically facilitation all the volunteer groups that come to work at MBHOH from the States. The are Show Hope’s (out of Franklin, TN) eye’s and ears of the facility. They work on the newsletters, take photos, give tours like the one we went on, and love the babies. Vicki and her husband have two boys – 13 and 10, of which she hope schools; and they also help at Maria’s. They boys are so happy, and helpful, and mature.
We toured the entire facility, spending most of our time on the second floor – the Cars room. I found this entertaining, as the first photo we have of Kai, he was in a Cars t-shirt, and when we took him to Walmart here, he picked out a pair of Cars Lightning McQueen crocs. When we first went into the room Kai held me tight. The other nannies tried to get his attention or even see if he’d come to them, and he held me tight. I can not put to words how this made me feel. I know it may be too early for him to fully understand I’m his momma…especially as much as he’s been moved around in his short life, but I felt like he just gave be the best gift in the world today when he chose me as his lifeline to all these faces that I assumed he would have found most comforting. The doctor at Maria’s stopped by and shook our hands, thanked us, and asked if we had any questions. I did, as Kai has a tooth that looks chipped or worn away…she did a quick look and said it looks like he may have had a cavity that wasn’t caught. Then we were asked all kinds of questions about Kai, and our trip, and how Kai was adapting. We were asked, “can he walk?” And we all smirked…Mike replied “not sure, he hasn’t stopped running since we met him”.
We aren't allowed to post photos with the babies in the pictures.
After sometime time of me sitting on the floor with him and the other children, he finally wanted up to go play in the room with Kainan. We played for a while and then took a group photo with the nannies and some of the children in the room. We completed the tour on the roof, where they are putting in a beautiful playground for the children. Kainan and Kai tested it out. We now have two little monkeys on our hands, and Kai is fearless.
Memory spot on roof for the children that have passed.
We ended our day with photos in front of the famous “ I See” mural at the entrance of Maria’s. The boys both slept the entire van ride back to the hotel. We tried a new restaurant for dinner. The food was awesome. And all five of us ate for $35 US dollars…and we had so much food left over. Then the boys and grandma ran to the pool, while I packed us up for the our next flight and adventure to a new city. We’ll be there through the 26th. We have Kai’s US Consulate Appt, then on to Hong Kong and home.
I think we are all more than ready to come home. We’re exhausted. All fighting off colds. Tired of hotel rooms, living out of suitcases, Chinese food, and non-stop on the go schedule. That said, I’m also worried about the return. I’ll have my work cut out for me with to extremely active toddler boys.
Some notes about Kai:
- He still wakes in a state of shock, or sober express – trying to figure out where he is
- He can run and walk and climb and … oh boy do I have my work cut out for me
- He still doesn’t have words, really just sounds that get our attention, but he does communicate and can gesture to get what he wants very well
- He mimics Kainan, so there have been a few words he’s copied… I just don’t think he knows what he said… no was one of them… so maybe I’m selling him short
- He is extremely smart, and doesn’t forget a thing. One of the first meals he had with us I pulled out the hand sanitizer and dabbed some on my hands and rubbed them together, then passed it to Kathy. Out of no where while in one of our van rides he pulled out my hand sanitizer, I started to take if from him with hopes to not being wearing the whole bottle, but then realized he wasn’t trying to open it…he just dabbed it on his hand like he had seen me, rubbed his hands together, and then passed it to me to do the same….I was amazed. He also say Kathy tell Kainan to put his arm us…she then proceeded to tickle him…it’s their little game. Kai started putting his hands up today, when we realized what he was doing, we’d tickle him…this became a game for us all day.
- He will try most food we put in front of him, but is not to a point that he’ll stop when he’s done. He didn’t even really eat breakfast this morning, as he had a snack in the room before we went down – a huge step in the right direction
- He has the most amazing smile and laugh. When others see him smile they act shocked and lucky to have caught a smile…they don’t realized that he has a smile on his face most the time.
- He is mischievous. He has a look in his eyes right before he’s going to do something he shouldn’t or thinks he shouldn’t and then a grin…it’s so cute…we’ll see how long it remains cute…as it’s a good indication that we need to be on guard.
- He is cuddly, mostly with me. And he still choses me over Jason, but he did go to the pool with just Jason and Kathy. And he let Jason give him and Kainan a bath.
- He is starting to resist or test boundaries more and more
- Bedtime is a time that’s hard for me, as he is sleeping with us, as the crib became more of a hazard than a help…with two boys it was like a jungle gym. He takes a bottle, and then how he’ll react next is a gamble. Sometimes he likes to be soothed, nights like tonight, he wanted to sooth himself.
- We will need to buy a bigger bed for him soon!!! He’ll climb right out of the crib, and he spins and turns so much at night, that the toddler bed we have for him I’m sure will not contain him. Sleeping with him and Kainan is a bit of a joke…we have two full bed that we’ve pushed together…Jason and I are on the edge of each side.
- He loves shoes
- He likes to take bits of crackers and then share them with us; or he’ll eat one and then feed one of us.
- He LOVES Kainan. I can’t say that Kainan has similar feelings yet.
- He likes his bottle right before he takes a nap or goes to bed at night
- He sleeps through the night
- He loves the water and bath time
- He’s fearless
- He’s super fast
- He seems to understand English. We were told that he had English mostly at New Hope, where he spent most of his time – it had been four months since he’d been there, but Robin Hill seem to think it should come back pretty fast. If I say go get your shoes, or come here, or let’s get dressed…he seems to understand me.
- He hates being covered with a blanket at night
- When he throws a fit, he turns into Gumby and goes completely limp. And you can see it coming…he trys to hold it in, and then he just lets go.
- His weezing has seemed to decrease, but he still has a running nose.
Pj time.
We were greeted at the door by Vicki and her son Bradley. Vicki and her family had moved from Houston, TX and signed a 2 year agreement with Show Hope to come out and run the day to day operations, specifically facilitation all the volunteer groups that come to work at MBHOH from the States. The are Show Hope’s (out of Franklin, TN) eye’s and ears of the facility. They work on the newsletters, take photos, give tours like the one we went on, and love the babies. Vicki and her husband have two boys – 13 and 10, of which she hope schools; and they also help at Maria’s. They boys are so happy, and helpful, and mature.
We toured the entire facility, spending most of our time on the second floor – the Cars room. I found this entertaining, as the first photo we have of Kai, he was in a Cars t-shirt, and when we took him to Walmart here, he picked out a pair of Cars Lightning McQueen crocs. When we first went into the room Kai held me tight. The other nannies tried to get his attention or even see if he’d come to them, and he held me tight. I can not put to words how this made me feel. I know it may be too early for him to fully understand I’m his momma…especially as much as he’s been moved around in his short life, but I felt like he just gave be the best gift in the world today when he chose me as his lifeline to all these faces that I assumed he would have found most comforting. The doctor at Maria’s stopped by and shook our hands, thanked us, and asked if we had any questions. I did, as Kai has a tooth that looks chipped or worn away…she did a quick look and said it looks like he may have had a cavity that wasn’t caught. Then we were asked all kinds of questions about Kai, and our trip, and how Kai was adapting. We were asked, “can he walk?” And we all smirked…Mike replied “not sure, he hasn’t stopped running since we met him”.
After sometime time of me sitting on the floor with him and the other children, he finally wanted up to go play in the room with Kainan. We played for a while and then took a group photo with the nannies and some of the children in the room. We completed the tour on the roof, where they are putting in a beautiful playground for the children. Kainan and Kai tested it out. We now have two little monkeys on our hands, and Kai is fearless.
I think we are all more than ready to come home. We’re exhausted. All fighting off colds. Tired of hotel rooms, living out of suitcases, Chinese food, and non-stop on the go schedule. That said, I’m also worried about the return. I’ll have my work cut out for me with to extremely active toddler boys.
Some notes about Kai:
- He still wakes in a state of shock, or sober express – trying to figure out where he is
- He can run and walk and climb and … oh boy do I have my work cut out for me
- He still doesn’t have words, really just sounds that get our attention, but he does communicate and can gesture to get what he wants very well
- He mimics Kainan, so there have been a few words he’s copied… I just don’t think he knows what he said… no was one of them… so maybe I’m selling him short
- He is extremely smart, and doesn’t forget a thing. One of the first meals he had with us I pulled out the hand sanitizer and dabbed some on my hands and rubbed them together, then passed it to Kathy. Out of no where while in one of our van rides he pulled out my hand sanitizer, I started to take if from him with hopes to not being wearing the whole bottle, but then realized he wasn’t trying to open it…he just dabbed it on his hand like he had seen me, rubbed his hands together, and then passed it to me to do the same….I was amazed. He also say Kathy tell Kainan to put his arm us…she then proceeded to tickle him…it’s their little game. Kai started putting his hands up today, when we realized what he was doing, we’d tickle him…this became a game for us all day.
- He will try most food we put in front of him, but is not to a point that he’ll stop when he’s done. He didn’t even really eat breakfast this morning, as he had a snack in the room before we went down – a huge step in the right direction
- He has the most amazing smile and laugh. When others see him smile they act shocked and lucky to have caught a smile…they don’t realized that he has a smile on his face most the time.
- He is mischievous. He has a look in his eyes right before he’s going to do something he shouldn’t or thinks he shouldn’t and then a grin…it’s so cute…we’ll see how long it remains cute…as it’s a good indication that we need to be on guard.
- He is cuddly, mostly with me. And he still choses me over Jason, but he did go to the pool with just Jason and Kathy. And he let Jason give him and Kainan a bath.
- He is starting to resist or test boundaries more and more
- Bedtime is a time that’s hard for me, as he is sleeping with us, as the crib became more of a hazard than a help…with two boys it was like a jungle gym. He takes a bottle, and then how he’ll react next is a gamble. Sometimes he likes to be soothed, nights like tonight, he wanted to sooth himself.
- We will need to buy a bigger bed for him soon!!! He’ll climb right out of the crib, and he spins and turns so much at night, that the toddler bed we have for him I’m sure will not contain him. Sleeping with him and Kainan is a bit of a joke…we have two full bed that we’ve pushed together…Jason and I are on the edge of each side.
- He loves shoes
- He likes to take bits of crackers and then share them with us; or he’ll eat one and then feed one of us.
- He LOVES Kainan. I can’t say that Kainan has similar feelings yet.
- He likes his bottle right before he takes a nap or goes to bed at night
- He sleeps through the night
- He loves the water and bath time
- He’s fearless
- He’s super fast
- He seems to understand English. We were told that he had English mostly at New Hope, where he spent most of his time – it had been four months since he’d been there, but Robin Hill seem to think it should come back pretty fast. If I say go get your shoes, or come here, or let’s get dressed…he seems to understand me.
- He hates being covered with a blanket at night
- When he throws a fit, he turns into Gumby and goes completely limp. And you can see it coming…he trys to hold it in, and then he just lets go.
- His weezing has seemed to decrease, but he still has a running nose.
June 19, 2014 - Kai’s hometown
Today we head to LuoHe, China, the city where Kai was found, and can only assume, was born. We are required to go to the City of his orphanage to apply for his passport. It is a requirement that we are there in person. Three children from our group are from the LuoHe Social Welfare Institute (SWI) orphanage. It’s about a 2 hour drive one way. A guide with CCAI, Reida, comes with us for the trip and hires a van (basically a mini van) for the trip. We leave the hotel at 8 am. The plan is to go straight to the government building to apply for the passport, and then, if all families agree, we will drive to each of the three children’s finding spots. The original plan was not to go the orphanage. We believe Kai’s home in China was at Maria’s Big House of Hope and New Hope in Beijing.
Because of the large group, only Jason, Kai and I were allowed to go; so Kainan stayed back with Mike and Kathy for a fun day at the pool and playing in the hotel. It was really hard to leave Kainan, as he’s already struggling with this huge change, and sharing our attention, and then we have to take a road trip with out him. It was heartbreaking to see his face as we walked out.
When the three families loaded in the van, we were the last to get in…this was one of the first times Kai has freaked out on us…then we realized, this is a van similar to what they brought him to meet us in, and with the same three children. He clung to me for a good while when we first got in, but calmed down quickly.
The drive to LuoHe was a bit draining, but the children really did do well, and taking in our surrounding was fun. It’s a whole new world to us. And we were learning a little bit more about Kai’s. When we arrived to the city of LuoHe we expected a smaller town…and we were later informed it was, it was only 4 million people rather than 10. There was one point where there were no lines in the road and the roadway was full of pedestrians, scooter, motor bikes, bicycles, and cars….all going at every direction with no sense of order… don’t think there weren’t moments we didn’t fear for our lives.
Passport office
When we arrived to the passport office, we all went in, sat down for a few minutes. Our guide from CCAI spoke with here point of contact at the office. We say a few discussions take place, we assume our information was all shared with the office, and then she said “okay, we’re done” lets go get in the van.” We all looked at each other like what just happened…”that’s it” we asked”? We drove 2 hours for that? We were told we just needed to be there in person, just incase they had any questions. As much as we all sat there in disbelief, we did all note that there are some “go through the motions” requirements in the US too, so we shrugged it off, and focused on the fact that if we hadn’t come all this way, we wouldn’t be able to go to our kids finding spots, a piece of their history….priceless.
We first went to Kai’s bed neighbor from the LOCC. His name in Chinese meant river, and he was found by the river way. As we drove there, we for sure thought we were going into a construction zone, but sure enough, as we drove up the path…which we thought was not meant for vehicles, we came upon the river, and a pretty walking path up above.
River finding spot
Next we went to the other families’ daughter’s finding spot, which happened to be at the children’s orphanage gates. As we all files out to take pictures, I made a last minute decision to go inside. We decided we’d keep Kai in the van with Jason. The other families did the same as us. First stop was the government ran floor, where the little girl in our group had spent her life. The room was exceptionally small and heart breaking. There were various ages of children, with obvious special needs, and a smell and cleanliness that broke my heart. There were no toys to be seen and the children looked extremely thin. A sight I will not forget…and has ignited a fire in me that I am not quite sure yet I am to do with. Kai spent a few weeks here – to the best of our knowledge, before we became a ware and asked a lot of questions, and come to find that when he was first admitted into the orphanage in April 2012, he was an original LOCC baby. We are not sure how it is decided which children go to the LOCC and which go to the government ran side, the SWI, we can only be thankful for the blessings for Kai. We then walked up a staircase to the third floor, the CCAI’s wing, they call the LOCC – Lily Orphan Care Center. This is where Kai and his bed neighbor had been. Kai had been there since late Feb./ early Mar; as he was returned from New Hope, to Maria’s Big House of Hope (MBHOH), to the SWI in LuoHe, to the LOCC in LuoHe. We have been told it is normal for babies that have parents coming for them, and that appear healthy to be transferred back to their orphanage a few weeks to months before the parents arrive to make room for new children in the foster home locations. It’s at the request of the government orphanage, not the foster home. The foster homes have very little say on which children come or leave from their care…they are just there with welcome and open arms. In Kai’s room, the room is much smaller than I had expected, but clean. The babies all look well cared for, and the nannies seem to truly love them. I saw no toys here either, but can only assume that they are put up when not in use due to the small room. We were told the air condition was currently out (we have no idea for how long it had been out); so the windows were open. It was naptime; so all the babies were asleep in their cribs. I was able to walk the room, take some pictures, and peer into the crib that Kai once laid…less than a week ago. The bed was already filled with another little boy. Although Kai’s room, like most rooms in orphanages are a mixture of boys and girls, there room was only full of baby boys right now…all about two years old. We made our way back to down the back stairs, took a few more pictures and left Kai’s orphanage in our past. Loading into the van a few of the nannies ran out to the van wanting to say goodbye. Kai was in the very back and didn’t see them…which I’m thankful of, as the others were upset by the greeting.
LOCC
Kai's bed
Front of the LOCC side of theorphanage
Finally, we headed to Kai’s finding spot. We were told it was a bit of drive, but the other parents said they were game for the ride so that we had that experience for Kai. The roads really rough once we got closer to Kai’s village. And although small, much larger than I had expected. We all got out of the car and Reida showed us the front gate of the elementary school that Kai’s paperwork from the police report indicates where he was abandoned. As we stood at the gate taking pictures of our family and then of just Kai, villagers started gathering around staring at us. We were told this is quite normal, as they don’t see Caucasian people very often, and then don’t understand why we would travel so far to pick up child from China, especially China’s “unwanted”. An elder man walked closer to me, as I knelt down next to Kai, and his grandson (or great grandson) stood at his feet. The little boy was about Kai’s age. He was extremely small, think and only wore a t-shirt – in China it is common for young children to wear what is called split pants so they can easily squat and potty – which saves on diapers and helps then potty train faster… this little boy had no pants on, had girl sandals, and his face, hands and feet looked a little dirty. Kai had been leaning on the gated entrance to the school grounds and weaved his hand through the gate, but when the little boy approached him, he reached for the little boy’s hand and then bent down and wiped his shoes. It really was a beautiful moment. As we turned to walk back towards our group, Reida came over to us to tell us that the village women had just told her that they remembered Kai. They remembered a baby being left in a cardboard box, wrapped in a quilt, in front of the school play yard…which also happened to be in front of a government building and the school. They said that the school children had found the child and the school called the police. From the local police station, he was taken to LuoHe Orphanage. The villagers all crowded around us. And then, out of no where, a lady drove up on a motor bike – as if she had been called. She stopped and conversed with the other women in the crowd, looked at us, and then drove on…part me will always wonder if that was Kai’s birthmother. One of the other ladies in our group said that one of the boys on the playground had a striking resemblance to Kai…his eyebrows, shape of head, cheeks, eyes…”was that Kai’s older brother?”. I’ll never know. But what I do have is a few photos, a story…and a perfect little boy who will be forever mine because of the love of a women to risk being found out and the pain I know she must endure each day, to ensure her child was found so he could find a loving home…our home.
Gate of elementary school that we first thought he was found before talking to the locals.
Village man and little boy.
Actual finding spot.
Orphan no more.
In China, the one child rule still exists. If a family choses to keep a second or third, they must pay a fine, if they do not, that child will not be recognized as a citizen…which means that child could never be enrolled in school, get a government issued id, have health care, etc. So if a family can not pay they fine, they are forced to abandon their child – as it is illegal to “give your child up for adoption”. Also were told that if a child has any appearance that they are not perfect (for example cleft lip), the family will give up their child, as they fear their family will be cursed with bad fortune and that the child will be a burden to the family name as they will struggle in society and struggle to ever find work. And often the families can not afford the medical care required to allow the child to survive.
We arrived back at our hotel around 4 pm, from what was an emotional and memorable day. We ran to our hotel room to find Kainan… and his big smile when we got back was what we all needed. We decided to grab some dinner at the hotel Italian restaurant. Somehow going to this restaurant always sounds like a better idea than it is. Kai was tired, as he only took a very short nap. The restaurant is not particularly kid friendly, and the food takes forever. Not to mention that I had my own moments….I thought it would be fun to get the boys something different to drink, so as Jas ran back to the room to grab something I forgot, I ordered Shirley Temples. As Kainan went to take his first drink, I asked how he liked it… he said “mom, does it have ice in it?”. I jumped, grabbed the drink from his hand and told him I was sorry, but we can have ice in china…we can’t have any water that doesn’t come from a bottle so we don’t get sick….so I ran back to the bar and asked them to make me another, without ice. Thinking I solved the issue, but then leary of them just fishing the ice out and not dumping the full drink, I ran back to confirm. With a new drink in hand I gave it to Kainan…and then it clicked…and I said “stop!”… a Shirley Temple was certainly made with fountain soda, not a bottled soda, which has water. So a crazily apologized to Kainan, and we ordered him the soda he thinks is root beer…coke zero (our choices here are Sprite, Coke, and Coke Zero). We’ll let’s just say that he didn’t need that caffeine this late into the evening. After dinner, we headed to the pool, as we had promised Kainan. The boys played. Then we all headed to bed, fairly early.
Because of the large group, only Jason, Kai and I were allowed to go; so Kainan stayed back with Mike and Kathy for a fun day at the pool and playing in the hotel. It was really hard to leave Kainan, as he’s already struggling with this huge change, and sharing our attention, and then we have to take a road trip with out him. It was heartbreaking to see his face as we walked out.
When the three families loaded in the van, we were the last to get in…this was one of the first times Kai has freaked out on us…then we realized, this is a van similar to what they brought him to meet us in, and with the same three children. He clung to me for a good while when we first got in, but calmed down quickly.
The drive to LuoHe was a bit draining, but the children really did do well, and taking in our surrounding was fun. It’s a whole new world to us. And we were learning a little bit more about Kai’s. When we arrived to the city of LuoHe we expected a smaller town…and we were later informed it was, it was only 4 million people rather than 10. There was one point where there were no lines in the road and the roadway was full of pedestrians, scooter, motor bikes, bicycles, and cars….all going at every direction with no sense of order… don’t think there weren’t moments we didn’t fear for our lives.
2 hour van drive
When we arrived to the passport office, we all went in, sat down for a few minutes. Our guide from CCAI spoke with here point of contact at the office. We say a few discussions take place, we assume our information was all shared with the office, and then she said “okay, we’re done” lets go get in the van.” We all looked at each other like what just happened…”that’s it” we asked”? We drove 2 hours for that? We were told we just needed to be there in person, just incase they had any questions. As much as we all sat there in disbelief, we did all note that there are some “go through the motions” requirements in the US too, so we shrugged it off, and focused on the fact that if we hadn’t come all this way, we wouldn’t be able to go to our kids finding spots, a piece of their history….priceless.
We first went to Kai’s bed neighbor from the LOCC. His name in Chinese meant river, and he was found by the river way. As we drove there, we for sure thought we were going into a construction zone, but sure enough, as we drove up the path…which we thought was not meant for vehicles, we came upon the river, and a pretty walking path up above.
Next we went to the other families’ daughter’s finding spot, which happened to be at the children’s orphanage gates. As we all files out to take pictures, I made a last minute decision to go inside. We decided we’d keep Kai in the van with Jason. The other families did the same as us. First stop was the government ran floor, where the little girl in our group had spent her life. The room was exceptionally small and heart breaking. There were various ages of children, with obvious special needs, and a smell and cleanliness that broke my heart. There were no toys to be seen and the children looked extremely thin. A sight I will not forget…and has ignited a fire in me that I am not quite sure yet I am to do with. Kai spent a few weeks here – to the best of our knowledge, before we became a ware and asked a lot of questions, and come to find that when he was first admitted into the orphanage in April 2012, he was an original LOCC baby. We are not sure how it is decided which children go to the LOCC and which go to the government ran side, the SWI, we can only be thankful for the blessings for Kai. We then walked up a staircase to the third floor, the CCAI’s wing, they call the LOCC – Lily Orphan Care Center. This is where Kai and his bed neighbor had been. Kai had been there since late Feb./ early Mar; as he was returned from New Hope, to Maria’s Big House of Hope (MBHOH), to the SWI in LuoHe, to the LOCC in LuoHe. We have been told it is normal for babies that have parents coming for them, and that appear healthy to be transferred back to their orphanage a few weeks to months before the parents arrive to make room for new children in the foster home locations. It’s at the request of the government orphanage, not the foster home. The foster homes have very little say on which children come or leave from their care…they are just there with welcome and open arms. In Kai’s room, the room is much smaller than I had expected, but clean. The babies all look well cared for, and the nannies seem to truly love them. I saw no toys here either, but can only assume that they are put up when not in use due to the small room. We were told the air condition was currently out (we have no idea for how long it had been out); so the windows were open. It was naptime; so all the babies were asleep in their cribs. I was able to walk the room, take some pictures, and peer into the crib that Kai once laid…less than a week ago. The bed was already filled with another little boy. Although Kai’s room, like most rooms in orphanages are a mixture of boys and girls, there room was only full of baby boys right now…all about two years old. We made our way back to down the back stairs, took a few more pictures and left Kai’s orphanage in our past. Loading into the van a few of the nannies ran out to the van wanting to say goodbye. Kai was in the very back and didn’t see them…which I’m thankful of, as the others were upset by the greeting.
Gate of Louhe SWI
Front of gov't orphanage
Finally, we headed to Kai’s finding spot. We were told it was a bit of drive, but the other parents said they were game for the ride so that we had that experience for Kai. The roads really rough once we got closer to Kai’s village. And although small, much larger than I had expected. We all got out of the car and Reida showed us the front gate of the elementary school that Kai’s paperwork from the police report indicates where he was abandoned. As we stood at the gate taking pictures of our family and then of just Kai, villagers started gathering around staring at us. We were told this is quite normal, as they don’t see Caucasian people very often, and then don’t understand why we would travel so far to pick up child from China, especially China’s “unwanted”. An elder man walked closer to me, as I knelt down next to Kai, and his grandson (or great grandson) stood at his feet. The little boy was about Kai’s age. He was extremely small, think and only wore a t-shirt – in China it is common for young children to wear what is called split pants so they can easily squat and potty – which saves on diapers and helps then potty train faster… this little boy had no pants on, had girl sandals, and his face, hands and feet looked a little dirty. Kai had been leaning on the gated entrance to the school grounds and weaved his hand through the gate, but when the little boy approached him, he reached for the little boy’s hand and then bent down and wiped his shoes. It really was a beautiful moment. As we turned to walk back towards our group, Reida came over to us to tell us that the village women had just told her that they remembered Kai. They remembered a baby being left in a cardboard box, wrapped in a quilt, in front of the school play yard…which also happened to be in front of a government building and the school. They said that the school children had found the child and the school called the police. From the local police station, he was taken to LuoHe Orphanage. The villagers all crowded around us. And then, out of no where, a lady drove up on a motor bike – as if she had been called. She stopped and conversed with the other women in the crowd, looked at us, and then drove on…part me will always wonder if that was Kai’s birthmother. One of the other ladies in our group said that one of the boys on the playground had a striking resemblance to Kai…his eyebrows, shape of head, cheeks, eyes…”was that Kai’s older brother?”. I’ll never know. But what I do have is a few photos, a story…and a perfect little boy who will be forever mine because of the love of a women to risk being found out and the pain I know she must endure each day, to ensure her child was found so he could find a loving home…our home.
In China, the one child rule still exists. If a family choses to keep a second or third, they must pay a fine, if they do not, that child will not be recognized as a citizen…which means that child could never be enrolled in school, get a government issued id, have health care, etc. So if a family can not pay they fine, they are forced to abandon their child – as it is illegal to “give your child up for adoption”. Also were told that if a child has any appearance that they are not perfect (for example cleft lip), the family will give up their child, as they fear their family will be cursed with bad fortune and that the child will be a burden to the family name as they will struggle in society and struggle to ever find work. And often the families can not afford the medical care required to allow the child to survive.
We arrived back at our hotel around 4 pm, from what was an emotional and memorable day. We ran to our hotel room to find Kainan… and his big smile when we got back was what we all needed. We decided to grab some dinner at the hotel Italian restaurant. Somehow going to this restaurant always sounds like a better idea than it is. Kai was tired, as he only took a very short nap. The restaurant is not particularly kid friendly, and the food takes forever. Not to mention that I had my own moments….I thought it would be fun to get the boys something different to drink, so as Jas ran back to the room to grab something I forgot, I ordered Shirley Temples. As Kainan went to take his first drink, I asked how he liked it… he said “mom, does it have ice in it?”. I jumped, grabbed the drink from his hand and told him I was sorry, but we can have ice in china…we can’t have any water that doesn’t come from a bottle so we don’t get sick….so I ran back to the bar and asked them to make me another, without ice. Thinking I solved the issue, but then leary of them just fishing the ice out and not dumping the full drink, I ran back to confirm. With a new drink in hand I gave it to Kainan…and then it clicked…and I said “stop!”… a Shirley Temple was certainly made with fountain soda, not a bottled soda, which has water. So a crazily apologized to Kainan, and we ordered him the soda he thinks is root beer…coke zero (our choices here are Sprite, Coke, and Coke Zero). We’ll let’s just say that he didn’t need that caffeine this late into the evening. After dinner, we headed to the pool, as we had promised Kainan. The boys played. Then we all headed to bed, fairly early.
Wednesday, June 18, 2014
June 18, 2014 - Downtime… was it really?!
Today we had time to go at our pace. We had planned to get up and by 8 am our time – 7 pm in the States be video chatting with Kai’s Aunt Micah and Uncle Carl and his cousins… but we actually got a slow start of the day…and all slept in a bit.
Kai still wakes up from sleep in a somber state. He looks around and stares. This morning it took a lot longer for him to come out of his “stone face” demeanor. He is slipping back into it a lot more, or maybe I feel it’s more noticeable because I have seen his happy, playful, mischievous, daring, all boy self now a lot…is it weird I say a lot? We are just starting day 3 with him.
This morning we eat at the hotel – as usual – and then came back to the room for our chat… I had high hopes to call my parents too… and Aunt Leslie and Brad… but during our call our hands became full really fast. Kainan wanting attention, Kai running and not wanting to sit still to meet his family… screaming… fits… all the joys of sibling rivalry all revealed. I had my first little break down, as Kainan continued to refuse me, and Kai started to push away today too.
We decided we needed to switch up the environment a bit. In the hotel in Beijing, the saving grace and energy burner was a bounce house…which we frequented often…here the request was the pool. We put off that request a bit…and decided to take the boys and grandma and papa to Walmart. I actually find this funny as I type that that was the attraction we wanted them to see. The walk itself was pretty brutal…thank goodness for a stroller and the baby carrier. But between dogging the motor scooters and bikes that now take over the sidewalks, since cars pack the roads, and the eat, and the air pollution, and the gawking from the locals at us foreigners…with a beautiful Caucasian child (which locals LOVE and tell us how beautiful K is), and an Asian baby; I’m telling you the walk alone was an adventure. Walmart is 3 stories high, with ramp like escalators so you can take your cart from floor to floor. We walked the isles, really just entertained with like items as much as the very odd display of items, such as the seafood, which I believe I mentioned previously, and the meat. Mike was impressed that at check out, he’d never bought so much from Walmart and spent less than $20. Kai LOVES shoes, so I let him pick out a pair of Croc – like shoes that are Cars (like from the movie), which look like a pair I think I once saw him in from a picture while at the LOCC or New Hope.
When we got back to our room, which Kainan calls our condo, his first request was to go to the pool. He’d been asking since he woke up at 6 am, so we got ready and the 4 of us headed to the pool, when we got there they were cleaning the floors and had the small pool closed for cleaning. The pool attendant suggested that the large pool would be too cold for small children…and seeing the disappointed look on K’s face, we asked if we could at least try…so Jason got in with K and Kai and I watched. The cold water didn’t phase Kainan…and it wasn’t much cooler than the Lake pool, and the room the pool is in is like a sauna.
We left the pool and had heard the park was really nice. Both boys napped for a few hours and gave Jas and me some time to recharge. When they woke, we met up with another family and the 6 of us and the other family Adam and Wendy and their new son Nathaniel, all walked a few blocks to the park.
It was weird, one minute we are dogging traffic and the noise from the traffic was almost nerve wrecking…and then the next minute we were in the park…it was beautiful and peaceful and like we walked into a “Secret Garden”. We strolled and then heard a man playing some musical instrument, which both Kainan and Kai were drawn to. We walked further into the park and there were several rides – carnival-like. We took the boys on three different rides, and they seemed to enjoy it quite a bit. Then we walked near the lake…we watch people catching fish that my mom would use to catch fish with, and keeping them…I can only imagine how they prepared them for dinner. Kainan was like a celebrity there. Older women swooned, and even a few teenage girls came up to touch his hair or give him a “high five”. Kainan was less than thrilled by the end of the walk.
Kai’s personality really lite up tonight. As we walked the park, I got him out of the carrier for a bit. He would run and then look at me with mischievous eyes, test boundaries, and then run again. I put him in the carrier as we started to walk further again, and he kinda shut down. I’m not sure if it was because he was taking it all in, or he felt confined and his response when he doesn’t get what he wants is to turn his light off. As I type this, I think I’m even noticing more about his reactions than I noticed in the moment.
Kai only says “ma”. We aren’t sure if that means something, or if it’s just a sound to get our attention and then he points. He communicates pretty well, but when he’s wanting us to look at something, pick up something he dropped, comes to me, or really any gesture he does; he begins with “ma”. He and Kainan were squabbling today over a toy and Kainan told him “NO!”, of which Kai returned “NO!”; so I see his language possibilities expanding rapidly with the two of them together. We do think Kai may understand English fairly well, and definitely better than our poor attempts at Mandarin. If I say go get your shoes, he will. Or when I say it time to get clothes on, or change your diaper, or “no”, or come here…he responds with the appropriate action, except when he’s testing boundaries, which is becoming more and more frequent.
Tonight, after our walk at the park, we decided to grab dinner at a restaurant in the hotel next door. It’s a nicer restaurant, but another family had been there and said it was really good food, so we thought we’d try. It was an experience, that’s for sure. The people that understood English at all was limited. When we got set down, the waiter only spoke to Mike and Kathy… and I know I just needed to go with the flow and respect the culture and tradition of what was customary to where we were, but it took me off guard and I was a bit taken back to not even get to look at the menu. Then our food came, and Jason wasn’t even sure what exactly we had ordered. They did do a better job at accommodating kids here than most places we’d been, but the environment was stressful. I had my phone out taking pictures of the boys together with chop sticks and in all wooden carved high chairs, and was asked (told) to put my phone away, as I was in a public place…whatever that meant, as I’ve had my camera everywhere. They brought the boys a custard egg dish. I was shocked Kainan tried it, and ate a little. Kai loved it, and ate all of his, and the rest of Kainan’s. Kai is still eating almost everything you put in sight. We hide all food in our hotel room – we have a lot of snack – but out of sight, out of mind. And we limit how much we have out at a time. At dinner he wanted more and more and more. When our food came, I gave him so of the fried rice, dumpling or two all cut up, and a little more rice. He would have eaten more if I’d have let him. And he’s into everything. This is where I must remember that although he’s two, he’s had very little, if any, discipline. He’s had very little freedom to make any choices (good or bad), and his want, is also his need. He’s more like a one year old in a lot of ways. And is still struggling to figure us out too. He’s testing us. He’s testing Kainan. And Jason and I are going to have to learn a whole new way to parent. With that, he’s doing awesome. He is coming out of his shell more. And Kainan is being a great big brother.
When we got back to the hotel, we let the boys run up and down the hallway in front of our room. They both got a kick out of it. And watching Kai attempt to keep up with and shadow Kainan was priceless. As we prepared for bed, we prepared Kainan that Jason and I and Kai had to go on a long car ride tomorrow and that he got to stay and play and have fun at the hotel with Grandma and Papa. He was sad, and I’m sure tomorrow will be upset, but as we prepare him, I do think he’s handling it well. As I got Kai ready for bed, he wasn’t wanting to lay down, so Kainan laid down next to him and said “lay down like me Kai”, I’ll help you go to sleep, as he touched his head. A very special moment for us! As he said, I’ll help my baby brother.
Thanks for following along – all our love, the Capps.
Kai still wakes up from sleep in a somber state. He looks around and stares. This morning it took a lot longer for him to come out of his “stone face” demeanor. He is slipping back into it a lot more, or maybe I feel it’s more noticeable because I have seen his happy, playful, mischievous, daring, all boy self now a lot…is it weird I say a lot? We are just starting day 3 with him.
This morning we eat at the hotel – as usual – and then came back to the room for our chat… I had high hopes to call my parents too… and Aunt Leslie and Brad… but during our call our hands became full really fast. Kainan wanting attention, Kai running and not wanting to sit still to meet his family… screaming… fits… all the joys of sibling rivalry all revealed. I had my first little break down, as Kainan continued to refuse me, and Kai started to push away today too.
We decided we needed to switch up the environment a bit. In the hotel in Beijing, the saving grace and energy burner was a bounce house…which we frequented often…here the request was the pool. We put off that request a bit…and decided to take the boys and grandma and papa to Walmart. I actually find this funny as I type that that was the attraction we wanted them to see. The walk itself was pretty brutal…thank goodness for a stroller and the baby carrier. But between dogging the motor scooters and bikes that now take over the sidewalks, since cars pack the roads, and the eat, and the air pollution, and the gawking from the locals at us foreigners…with a beautiful Caucasian child (which locals LOVE and tell us how beautiful K is), and an Asian baby; I’m telling you the walk alone was an adventure. Walmart is 3 stories high, with ramp like escalators so you can take your cart from floor to floor. We walked the isles, really just entertained with like items as much as the very odd display of items, such as the seafood, which I believe I mentioned previously, and the meat. Mike was impressed that at check out, he’d never bought so much from Walmart and spent less than $20. Kai LOVES shoes, so I let him pick out a pair of Croc – like shoes that are Cars (like from the movie), which look like a pair I think I once saw him in from a picture while at the LOCC or New Hope.
When we got back to our room, which Kainan calls our condo, his first request was to go to the pool. He’d been asking since he woke up at 6 am, so we got ready and the 4 of us headed to the pool, when we got there they were cleaning the floors and had the small pool closed for cleaning. The pool attendant suggested that the large pool would be too cold for small children…and seeing the disappointed look on K’s face, we asked if we could at least try…so Jason got in with K and Kai and I watched. The cold water didn’t phase Kainan…and it wasn’t much cooler than the Lake pool, and the room the pool is in is like a sauna.
We left the pool and had heard the park was really nice. Both boys napped for a few hours and gave Jas and me some time to recharge. When they woke, we met up with another family and the 6 of us and the other family Adam and Wendy and their new son Nathaniel, all walked a few blocks to the park.
It was weird, one minute we are dogging traffic and the noise from the traffic was almost nerve wrecking…and then the next minute we were in the park…it was beautiful and peaceful and like we walked into a “Secret Garden”. We strolled and then heard a man playing some musical instrument, which both Kainan and Kai were drawn to. We walked further into the park and there were several rides – carnival-like. We took the boys on three different rides, and they seemed to enjoy it quite a bit. Then we walked near the lake…we watch people catching fish that my mom would use to catch fish with, and keeping them…I can only imagine how they prepared them for dinner. Kainan was like a celebrity there. Older women swooned, and even a few teenage girls came up to touch his hair or give him a “high five”. Kainan was less than thrilled by the end of the walk.
Kai’s personality really lite up tonight. As we walked the park, I got him out of the carrier for a bit. He would run and then look at me with mischievous eyes, test boundaries, and then run again. I put him in the carrier as we started to walk further again, and he kinda shut down. I’m not sure if it was because he was taking it all in, or he felt confined and his response when he doesn’t get what he wants is to turn his light off. As I type this, I think I’m even noticing more about his reactions than I noticed in the moment.
Kai only says “ma”. We aren’t sure if that means something, or if it’s just a sound to get our attention and then he points. He communicates pretty well, but when he’s wanting us to look at something, pick up something he dropped, comes to me, or really any gesture he does; he begins with “ma”. He and Kainan were squabbling today over a toy and Kainan told him “NO!”, of which Kai returned “NO!”; so I see his language possibilities expanding rapidly with the two of them together. We do think Kai may understand English fairly well, and definitely better than our poor attempts at Mandarin. If I say go get your shoes, he will. Or when I say it time to get clothes on, or change your diaper, or “no”, or come here…he responds with the appropriate action, except when he’s testing boundaries, which is becoming more and more frequent.
Tonight, after our walk at the park, we decided to grab dinner at a restaurant in the hotel next door. It’s a nicer restaurant, but another family had been there and said it was really good food, so we thought we’d try. It was an experience, that’s for sure. The people that understood English at all was limited. When we got set down, the waiter only spoke to Mike and Kathy… and I know I just needed to go with the flow and respect the culture and tradition of what was customary to where we were, but it took me off guard and I was a bit taken back to not even get to look at the menu. Then our food came, and Jason wasn’t even sure what exactly we had ordered. They did do a better job at accommodating kids here than most places we’d been, but the environment was stressful. I had my phone out taking pictures of the boys together with chop sticks and in all wooden carved high chairs, and was asked (told) to put my phone away, as I was in a public place…whatever that meant, as I’ve had my camera everywhere. They brought the boys a custard egg dish. I was shocked Kainan tried it, and ate a little. Kai loved it, and ate all of his, and the rest of Kainan’s. Kai is still eating almost everything you put in sight. We hide all food in our hotel room – we have a lot of snack – but out of sight, out of mind. And we limit how much we have out at a time. At dinner he wanted more and more and more. When our food came, I gave him so of the fried rice, dumpling or two all cut up, and a little more rice. He would have eaten more if I’d have let him. And he’s into everything. This is where I must remember that although he’s two, he’s had very little, if any, discipline. He’s had very little freedom to make any choices (good or bad), and his want, is also his need. He’s more like a one year old in a lot of ways. And is still struggling to figure us out too. He’s testing us. He’s testing Kainan. And Jason and I are going to have to learn a whole new way to parent. With that, he’s doing awesome. He is coming out of his shell more. And Kainan is being a great big brother.
When we got back to the hotel, we let the boys run up and down the hallway in front of our room. They both got a kick out of it. And watching Kai attempt to keep up with and shadow Kainan was priceless. As we prepared for bed, we prepared Kainan that Jason and I and Kai had to go on a long car ride tomorrow and that he got to stay and play and have fun at the hotel with Grandma and Papa. He was sad, and I’m sure tomorrow will be upset, but as we prepare him, I do think he’s handling it well. As I got Kai ready for bed, he wasn’t wanting to lay down, so Kainan laid down next to him and said “lay down like me Kai”, I’ll help you go to sleep, as he touched his head. A very special moment for us! As he said, I’ll help my baby brother.
Thanks for following along – all our love, the Capps.
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