Because of the large group, only Jason, Kai and I were allowed to go; so Kainan stayed back with Mike and Kathy for a fun day at the pool and playing in the hotel. It was really hard to leave Kainan, as he’s already struggling with this huge change, and sharing our attention, and then we have to take a road trip with out him. It was heartbreaking to see his face as we walked out.
When the three families loaded in the van, we were the last to get in…this was one of the first times Kai has freaked out on us…then we realized, this is a van similar to what they brought him to meet us in, and with the same three children. He clung to me for a good while when we first got in, but calmed down quickly.
The drive to LuoHe was a bit draining, but the children really did do well, and taking in our surrounding was fun. It’s a whole new world to us. And we were learning a little bit more about Kai’s. When we arrived to the city of LuoHe we expected a smaller town…and we were later informed it was, it was only 4 million people rather than 10. There was one point where there were no lines in the road and the roadway was full of pedestrians, scooter, motor bikes, bicycles, and cars….all going at every direction with no sense of order… don’t think there weren’t moments we didn’t fear for our lives.
2 hour van drive
When we arrived to the passport office, we all went in, sat down for a few minutes. Our guide from CCAI spoke with here point of contact at the office. We say a few discussions take place, we assume our information was all shared with the office, and then she said “okay, we’re done” lets go get in the van.” We all looked at each other like what just happened…”that’s it” we asked”? We drove 2 hours for that? We were told we just needed to be there in person, just incase they had any questions. As much as we all sat there in disbelief, we did all note that there are some “go through the motions” requirements in the US too, so we shrugged it off, and focused on the fact that if we hadn’t come all this way, we wouldn’t be able to go to our kids finding spots, a piece of their history….priceless.
We first went to Kai’s bed neighbor from the LOCC. His name in Chinese meant river, and he was found by the river way. As we drove there, we for sure thought we were going into a construction zone, but sure enough, as we drove up the path…which we thought was not meant for vehicles, we came upon the river, and a pretty walking path up above.
Next we went to the other families’ daughter’s finding spot, which happened to be at the children’s orphanage gates. As we all files out to take pictures, I made a last minute decision to go inside. We decided we’d keep Kai in the van with Jason. The other families did the same as us. First stop was the government ran floor, where the little girl in our group had spent her life. The room was exceptionally small and heart breaking. There were various ages of children, with obvious special needs, and a smell and cleanliness that broke my heart. There were no toys to be seen and the children looked extremely thin. A sight I will not forget…and has ignited a fire in me that I am not quite sure yet I am to do with. Kai spent a few weeks here – to the best of our knowledge, before we became a ware and asked a lot of questions, and come to find that when he was first admitted into the orphanage in April 2012, he was an original LOCC baby. We are not sure how it is decided which children go to the LOCC and which go to the government ran side, the SWI, we can only be thankful for the blessings for Kai. We then walked up a staircase to the third floor, the CCAI’s wing, they call the LOCC – Lily Orphan Care Center. This is where Kai and his bed neighbor had been. Kai had been there since late Feb./ early Mar; as he was returned from New Hope, to Maria’s Big House of Hope (MBHOH), to the SWI in LuoHe, to the LOCC in LuoHe. We have been told it is normal for babies that have parents coming for them, and that appear healthy to be transferred back to their orphanage a few weeks to months before the parents arrive to make room for new children in the foster home locations. It’s at the request of the government orphanage, not the foster home. The foster homes have very little say on which children come or leave from their care…they are just there with welcome and open arms. In Kai’s room, the room is much smaller than I had expected, but clean. The babies all look well cared for, and the nannies seem to truly love them. I saw no toys here either, but can only assume that they are put up when not in use due to the small room. We were told the air condition was currently out (we have no idea for how long it had been out); so the windows were open. It was naptime; so all the babies were asleep in their cribs. I was able to walk the room, take some pictures, and peer into the crib that Kai once laid…less than a week ago. The bed was already filled with another little boy. Although Kai’s room, like most rooms in orphanages are a mixture of boys and girls, there room was only full of baby boys right now…all about two years old. We made our way back to down the back stairs, took a few more pictures and left Kai’s orphanage in our past. Loading into the van a few of the nannies ran out to the van wanting to say goodbye. Kai was in the very back and didn’t see them…which I’m thankful of, as the others were upset by the greeting.
Gate of Louhe SWI
Front of gov't orphanage
Finally, we headed to Kai’s finding spot. We were told it was a bit of drive, but the other parents said they were game for the ride so that we had that experience for Kai. The roads really rough once we got closer to Kai’s village. And although small, much larger than I had expected. We all got out of the car and Reida showed us the front gate of the elementary school that Kai’s paperwork from the police report indicates where he was abandoned. As we stood at the gate taking pictures of our family and then of just Kai, villagers started gathering around staring at us. We were told this is quite normal, as they don’t see Caucasian people very often, and then don’t understand why we would travel so far to pick up child from China, especially China’s “unwanted”. An elder man walked closer to me, as I knelt down next to Kai, and his grandson (or great grandson) stood at his feet. The little boy was about Kai’s age. He was extremely small, think and only wore a t-shirt – in China it is common for young children to wear what is called split pants so they can easily squat and potty – which saves on diapers and helps then potty train faster… this little boy had no pants on, had girl sandals, and his face, hands and feet looked a little dirty. Kai had been leaning on the gated entrance to the school grounds and weaved his hand through the gate, but when the little boy approached him, he reached for the little boy’s hand and then bent down and wiped his shoes. It really was a beautiful moment. As we turned to walk back towards our group, Reida came over to us to tell us that the village women had just told her that they remembered Kai. They remembered a baby being left in a cardboard box, wrapped in a quilt, in front of the school play yard…which also happened to be in front of a government building and the school. They said that the school children had found the child and the school called the police. From the local police station, he was taken to LuoHe Orphanage. The villagers all crowded around us. And then, out of no where, a lady drove up on a motor bike – as if she had been called. She stopped and conversed with the other women in the crowd, looked at us, and then drove on…part me will always wonder if that was Kai’s birthmother. One of the other ladies in our group said that one of the boys on the playground had a striking resemblance to Kai…his eyebrows, shape of head, cheeks, eyes…”was that Kai’s older brother?”. I’ll never know. But what I do have is a few photos, a story…and a perfect little boy who will be forever mine because of the love of a women to risk being found out and the pain I know she must endure each day, to ensure her child was found so he could find a loving home…our home.
In China, the one child rule still exists. If a family choses to keep a second or third, they must pay a fine, if they do not, that child will not be recognized as a citizen…which means that child could never be enrolled in school, get a government issued id, have health care, etc. So if a family can not pay they fine, they are forced to abandon their child – as it is illegal to “give your child up for adoption”. Also were told that if a child has any appearance that they are not perfect (for example cleft lip), the family will give up their child, as they fear their family will be cursed with bad fortune and that the child will be a burden to the family name as they will struggle in society and struggle to ever find work. And often the families can not afford the medical care required to allow the child to survive.
We arrived back at our hotel around 4 pm, from what was an emotional and memorable day. We ran to our hotel room to find Kainan… and his big smile when we got back was what we all needed. We decided to grab some dinner at the hotel Italian restaurant. Somehow going to this restaurant always sounds like a better idea than it is. Kai was tired, as he only took a very short nap. The restaurant is not particularly kid friendly, and the food takes forever. Not to mention that I had my own moments….I thought it would be fun to get the boys something different to drink, so as Jas ran back to the room to grab something I forgot, I ordered Shirley Temples. As Kainan went to take his first drink, I asked how he liked it… he said “mom, does it have ice in it?”. I jumped, grabbed the drink from his hand and told him I was sorry, but we can have ice in china…we can’t have any water that doesn’t come from a bottle so we don’t get sick….so I ran back to the bar and asked them to make me another, without ice. Thinking I solved the issue, but then leary of them just fishing the ice out and not dumping the full drink, I ran back to confirm. With a new drink in hand I gave it to Kainan…and then it clicked…and I said “stop!”… a Shirley Temple was certainly made with fountain soda, not a bottled soda, which has water. So a crazily apologized to Kainan, and we ordered him the soda he thinks is root beer…coke zero (our choices here are Sprite, Coke, and Coke Zero). We’ll let’s just say that he didn’t need that caffeine this late into the evening. After dinner, we headed to the pool, as we had promised Kainan. The boys played. Then we all headed to bed, fairly early.
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